Topic Battle

The ninja's relationship with speed is rather more practical in application. Historical records suggest trained practitioners could traverse 400 metres of difficult terrain in complete silence whilst carrying sufficient equipment to establish a small ironmongery. Modern descendants of these traditions have been clocked at speeds exceeding 35 kilometres per hour in short bursts. More significantly, the ninja's speed serves a purpose beyond mere locomotion—it facilitates the prompt completion of professional obligations before witnesses can form reliable memories.

The ninja represents stealth in its most refined and intentional form. Training regimens developed over eight centuries produced individuals capable of moving through populated areas without detection. Techniques included specialised breathing patterns, clothing designed to absorb sound, and an understanding of shadow geometry that would satisfy any physicist. The ninja does not merely hide—the ninja ceases to exist in the perceptual field of observers. This represents a qualitative advancement over the avocado's merely confusing exterior presentation.

The historical ninja endured training regimens designed to produce extraordinary physical resilience. Documented practices included cold water immersion, sleep deprivation, and extended periods of contorted concealment in remarkably small spaces. The resulting practitioner could sustain operations for days without rest, recover from injuries that would incapacitate ordinary individuals, and maintain focus through environmental conditions ranging from blizzard to desert. The ninja body was, essentially, an optimised survival system.

The ninja's versatility extended across the full spectrum of covert operations: intelligence gathering, sabotage, assassination, counter-intelligence, and unconventional warfare. A trained practitioner mastered 18 disciplines including meteorology, pharmacology, and psychology. However, this versatility remains constrained to a single professional domain. The ninja cannot, for instance, be spread upon toast, blended into a breakfast beverage, or served alongside Mexican cuisine. This represents a significant limitation in modern applicability.

The ninja has permeated global culture through centuries of mythology, spawning countless films, television programmes, video games, and children's birthday party themes. The term itself has entered common parlance as a descriptor for exceptional competence in any field. However, this cultural saturation has somewhat diluted the ninja's mystique—the figure now appears equally in historical dramas and pizza commercials. The ninja's impact, whilst broader historically, has suffered from overexposure degradation.