Where Everything Fights Everything
Acrobatic rodent obsessed with nut collection, featuring impressive jumping skills and bushy tail.
Device that knows exactly when you need it most to malfunction.
The Winner Is
Our investigation concludes with findings that will satisfy neither technologists nor naturalists. Artificial intelligence, that humming cathedral of human aspiration, demonstrates superiority in the metrics we might expect: raw computational power and systematic threat analysis. These are the domains where silicon inevitably surpasses carbon, where quantity transforms into qualitative advantage.
Yet the bear prevails in the metrics that perhaps matter more fundamentally: environmental independence, learning efficiency, and the simple capacity to continue existing without external support. The bear requires no maintenance team, no power supply, no cooling system. It is its own infrastructure, its own data centre, its own backup generator.
The final score of 55-45 in favour of artificial intelligence reflects a victory that comes with considerable caveats. AI wins more criteria, but the bear's victories address more fundamental questions about what it means to be an intelligent system in an uncertain world.
One might observe that artificial intelligence excels at precisely those tasks that humans find difficult, whilst the bear excels at precisely those tasks that humans find impossible. The AI can process information at superhuman speeds; the bear can survive winter without electricity. History suggests that the latter capability may prove more valuable when the servers finally go dark.