iPhone
The iPhone's relationship with water can be charitably described as adversarial. Despite Apple's claims of IP68 water resistance, the device treats submersion as an existential crisis rather than an opportunity. Laboratory testing reveals that an iPhone submerged in water produces no forward propulsion, demonstrates zero hunting capability, and emits sounds that can only be described as digital distress. The device's flat, rectangular form creates significant drag coefficients, rendering it approximately as hydrodynamic as a brick with ambitions.
Apple's engineering team has invested considerable resources into making the iPhone survive accidental water contact, which rather misses the point of aquatic excellence. The device cannot dive, cannot surface gracefully, and has never once been observed performing a barrel roll whilst pursuing salmon. Its speaker grilles, while admirably sealed, serve no function whatsoever in underwater communication. Marine biologists consulted for this study expressed unanimous bewilderment at the suggestion that an iPhone might compete with any aquatic organism.
Otter
The otter represents approximately 30 million years of evolutionary commitment to aquatic supremacy. The species has developed webbed feet, a rudder-like tail, and the ability to close its ears and nostrils underwaterfeatures conspicuously absent from Apple's product roadmap. An otter can dive to depths of 60 metres and remain submerged for up to eight minutes, during which time it typically accomplishes more than most iPhone users manage in an entire afternoon.
The otter's fur coat deserves particular attention: containing up to one million hairs per square centimetre, it creates an insulating air layer that maintains body temperature in frigid waters. This natural wetsuit technology predates human civilisation by several epochs. The creature's streamlined body achieves swimming speeds of 12 kilometres per hour, and its manoeuvrability whilst pursuing prey demonstrates a level of hydrodynamic optimisation that no industrial designer has yet replicated. The otter does not merely tolerate water; it has made water its entire personality.