Topic Battle

Cheese has directly shaped human civilisation. The ability to preserve milk as cheese enabled pastoral societies to flourish in hostile environments. Entire regional economies - Swiss, Dutch, Italian - have been built on cheese production. Cheese has its own dedicated courses in fine dining, its own sommeliers (fromagers), and its own academic journals. The Oxford Cheese Symposium notes that cheese appears in more paintings per square metre of major galleries than any other food item, suggesting profound artistic significance.

Cheese has achieved what military strategists call total penetration. From the cave-aged Roquefort of France to the smoked cheese of the Himalayas, from Japanese processed cheese slices to the 40-kilogram wheels of Italian Parmigiano-Reggiano, cheese has established permanent residency on every inhabited continent. The International Dairy Federation reports over 1,800 distinct varieties, each adapted perfectly to local tastes and traditions. Even lactose-intolerant populations have been conquered through the cunning deployment of aged varieties with negligible lactose content.

Cheese's intimidation operates on a more sophisticated plane. Consider the social anxiety of mispronouncing 'Gruyere' at a dinner party, or the existential dread of realising you've served Kraft singles to someone who summers in Provence. The Cambridge Institute of Culinary Status Anxiety found that 67% of dinner party hosts experience measurable stress when selecting cheese boards. Additionally, certain aged cheeses produce aromas that have literally cleared rooms. Epoisses de Bourgogne is banned from public transport in France due to its aggressive olfactory presence.

A wheel of properly aged Parmigiano-Reggiano can mature for over 36 months, improving with time. Certain cheese-making traditions have continued unbroken for over 2,000 years. The European Consortium for Eternal Foods has documented cheese recipes surviving the fall of Rome, the Black Death, and two World Wars. Cheese adapts: when refrigeration arrived, it pivoted to mass production; when artisanal movements emerged, ancient techniques were revived. This adaptive resilience suggests cheese will outlast most current apex predators.

Cheese functions as appetiser, main course, dessert, and ingredient. It can be melted, sliced, grated, crumbled, or eaten in contemplative solitude at 2 AM. Cheese accompanies crackers, fruit, bread, pasta, salads, and other cheeses. It serves equally well at children's birthday parties and Michelin-starred establishments. The Global Cheese Applications Index identifies over 4,700 distinct use cases, from fondue to cheesecake, from pizza to molecular gastronomy.