Topic Battle

Email achieves a target acquisition rate of 99.97%, with messages successfully reaching intended recipients regardless of their attempts to hide. The Institute of Unavoidable Communications found that the average professional receives 121 emails daily, with each message requiring mandatory acknowledgement. Unlike lion prey, email victims cannot outrun their fate.

While lacking physical presence, email generates profound psychological distress through alternative mechanisms. The Workplace Anxiety Research Group documented that the phrase 'Per my last email' triggers cortisol spikes equivalent to encountering a medium-sized predator. An inbox displaying 1,247 unread messages has been clinically linked to existential dread.

A single email can traverse the entire planet in 0.003 seconds, establishing presence in inboxes across all seven continents simultaneously. Research from the Global Digital Proliferation Centre indicates that the average office worker's email has penetrated 47 different time zones by lunch. Unlike the lion, email recognises no territorial boundaries, border controls, or restraining orders.

Email demonstrates what the Digital Archaeology Foundation terms 'functional immortality'. Messages sent in 1995 continue to circulate through forward chains today. A single email can be replied-all'd into perpetuity, with the longest documented email thread spanning 23 years and 47,000 participants. Deleted emails merely enter a purgatorial state, resurrectable by IT departments for compliance audits.

Email has fundamentally restructured human organisational hierarchies. The CC field alone has ended more careers than any predator in history. Research from the Institute of Corporate Survival indicates that 67% of office power dynamics are now conducted entirely through strategic email threading, with the BCC function serving as a silent political weapon. The email signature has replaced the mane as the primary display of dominance.