Topic Battle

Time's flexibility, once thought non-existent, was revolutionised by Einstein's relativity. Time can dilate, contract, and curve around massive objects with an elegance that would make any gymnast envious. Near a black hole, time slows so dramatically that watching an otter catch a fish would take centuries from an external observer's perspective. The Cambridge Relativistic Studies Group notes that time is 'considerably more bendy than previously assumed, though still fundamentally committed to moving forward.'

Time's persistence is, by any reasonable measure, absolute and unwavering. It has continued uninterrupted since approximately 13.8 billion years ago, showing no signs of fatigue, boredom, or intention to stop. The Greenwich Observatory's Department of Inevitable Progression confirms that time has never once taken a holiday, called in sick, or paused for a nice cup of tea. Even during the most catastrophic cosmic events, time has simply carried on, which experts describe as 'professionally admirable if somewhat relentless.'

Time's social impact is so fundamental that it often goes unnoticed, much like oxygen or disappointment. Every human society has developed methods to measure it, from Stonehenge to atomic clocks. The phrase 'time is money' has been attributed to Benjamin Franklin, though the Institute for Historical Misattribution suggests he may have been misquoted. Time governs every appointment, deadline, and awkward pause in human existence. It is, quite literally, what prevents everything from happening at once.

Time underpins the entire global economy. Interest rates, wages, rental agreements, and the concept of profit itself are fundamentally temporal constructs. The Bank of England's Temporal Economics Division estimates that without time, global GDP would be 'mathematically undefined and philosophically troubling.' Billionaires routinely pay extraordinary sums for more of it, or at least the illusion thereof. Time, in economic terms, is not merely valuable - it is the substrate upon which value exists.

Time offers virtually no existential comfort whatsoever. It is the mechanism by which youth becomes age, potential becomes regret, and sandwiches become stale. The Copenhagen Institute for Temporal Anxiety reports that awareness of time's passage is the single greatest source of human existential distress after mortality itself - which is, of course, also time's fault. Time's only comfort is its consistency, which is rather like praising a firing squad for punctuality.